If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.
My progress has been slow, slow, sloooooow…
First off, I’ve been spending a lot of time gardening. I’ve had to or some strange “jungle” would have started growing around the house. It’s that time of the year when you have to cut the grass for the first time – seriously, it’s been growing so fast thanks to the sun and the morning dew you can almost see it growing! -, weed the vegetable garden and the flower beds and get them tidy and ready, prune the rosebushes and everything needing to be pruned… It amounts to hours and hours spent breathing the nice warm spring air (here, the temperatures went from almost freezing to summerlike in twenty-four hours, from one day to the next – very odd and a little bit scary too). But it hasn’t been a waste of time. The rich air, the smells of the first flowers – there’s nothing like it to boost your creativity!
So, yeah, I’ve been progressing… but a tad slowlier than I thought I would.
In addition to all the gardening/fresh air, I wasn’t happy with what I’d written months ago, after all, so I’ve been re-writing almost all of it. Not all of it as in “from the beginning of chapter 1 to the end of chapter 5” – only chapter 5. I don’t know if my muse had deserted me the first time (it was probably vacationing in Hawaï, as far away from me as possible – that b*tch!) or if I’d tried too hard, maybe a little of both. The fact of the matter is I remember writing the first draft of chapter 5 without taking a look at the first four chapters beforehand – I had intended to do so after I finished it, which never happened. All I know is that when I re-read what I’d written back then, it sounded so… er… uninspired and mechanical.
Yeah, “uninspired and mechanical” are the right words to describe it. When has my writing become so dull, so uncreative?
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not vain, I don’t think everything I write is always oh-so-perfect. If my writing was perfect, I’d have fans all over the world and more money than a sane person can spend in one lifetime. The truth is, I’ve always been afraid to lose my creativity – I’ve been a creative person since I was a child. I’ve always had to express my creativity in one way or another – if I don’t write, I draw, or I make photomanipulations, or I make jewelry, or I paint watercolors, and so on… So, in other words, with no creativity, I’m not me.
But I’m digressing again.
Concerning chapter 5, I knew at first that I had to cut out part of it (you know, the whole thing about giving away too much too soon). Then I decided the best thing to do was to start afresh. I didn’t delete the first draft – no, I saved the file to a folder and created a new file. There’s always something to learn from something you did wrong, right? I like to believe there is… Or why have I been keeping all those barely finished watercolor paintings over the years? lol
Anyways… I saved a copy of the not-so-good chapter (I’m trying to be positive here… ok, ok, it’s an understatement, I’m shamelessly trying to boost my confidence) and I started afresh. And, you know what? I’m kinda happy with what I’ve written so far. I haven’t been able to write as much as I’d have liked to, but I’ve been writing.
Every single day.